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Mar 11, 2011
The Horrors of Twilight
I decided it was time to finally see Twilight, and it was pretty much exactly what I expected. This "Bella" was about as deep as one of those plastic pools you put in your backyard. The inflatable kind, at that. And apparently she is clumsy? I believe that was her only personality trait... and it isn't even a personality trait. Also, Jacob looked like a total Dungeonmaster. The best part was when they were playing baseball. And by "best" I mean "least boring." And what kind of horrible bastardization of vampires are these? They can see themselves in mirrors, can have their picture taken, can't be staked, don't burst into flames in sunlight, and can live without human blood. What. What is the point. These are just immortal goths. But the most horrifying thing is Edward Cullen's horrendous forehead. IT'S SO... BIG. And Jacob is also just funny looking, perhaps even more so than Edward.Wait... no, nothing can beat that Cromagnon brow.